A Birth Story without Fear
Hypnobirth-ing like a horse
Mindfulness, meditation, guided relaxation, and present focus — they’re all super in right now, and should be. Being able to tap into yourself and give your brain and body and soul acceptance and take break from all the “busy” (another super in way to be, unfortunately), is a skill that should be taught in schools with the same intention as math, science, and writing. Each one of us needs more of some of it in our lives. Sadly to be honest, the majority of my own meditation and deep breathing practice is not on my own in a very purposeful moment, but happens while with clients, when guiding/joining them in their own mediation. I wish I was more intentional throughout my own day, BUT I have been working on it and will say that since I started focusing on it more, mindfulness has been something that’s been a bit easier to wiggle into a daily routine: sitting on the floor when my kid(s) is/are throwing a fit and just being with them (it works most of the time); staying longer at the kitchen table to look longer at my family and enjoy my food; and taking an extra long breath between clients — honestly just these three things have brought so much peace to my anxious brain that’s constantly in go mode.
A few months ago, I shared a bit about the fears that were following me into my second birth experience (if you missed it, check out my post: Breath and Love). I got more responses than I had imagined, asking if I had done it — was I able to “birth like a horse,” and release the fear?
Answer: Damn straight!
I have never felt more at peace! More bad ass! More in charge of not being in control. My trick? Mindfulness. Present focus. Self-awareness. Breath work. NOT hocus pocus, but it can totally sound fluffy, I get it. Hear me out because it’s actually hardcore.
Through the first pregnancy rodeo, we were super supported by midwives that we had been bonding with for 8 months and knew our flow going into labor. During that time, we were researching birthing classes (like Lamaze, but, like everything in pregnancy/parenting, Lamaze isn’t the only way to do it). We were introduced to Hypnobirthing. It sounded weird and scary and I just couldn’t pull the trigger as a first time mom with anxiety and absolutely no clue about how someone was supposed to hypnotize themselves while in labor... We ended up choosing, and loving, our Birthing From Within class, which offered so much support for both me and Max, and helped us to move to the same rhythm on my birth day. It was the best choice for us then, though going into #2 there were some attitude adjustments that needed to happen within myself.
Fast forward 15 months, I was 7.5 months pregnant (surprise!) and we had just moved across the country, we had found a sweet team of midwives to guide us through the last couple months, and I decided to give in to my curiosity about Hypnobirthing. Why not? Everything else had changed in my life at that point! Why not my “attitude” about pain and birth? From just what I gained from some YouTube research and practice, I was able to let loose my grip on fear. This doesn’t mean that it was non existent, but that I was no longer chained to it— it no longer controlled me. I was able to acknowledge the thought and the urge to fight pain, and let it go with my breath (a big deep very loud breath). It takes “mind over matter” to a whole new level.
Let’s break it down: according to WebMD: “Hypnosis -- or hypnotherapy -- uses guided relaxation, intense concentration, and focused attention to achieve a heightened state of awareness that is sometimes called a trance. The person's attention is so focused while in this state that anything going on around the person is temporarily blocked out or ignored.” Can you imagine a birthing experience like that? Hypnobirthing brings in self-hypnosis (we can all do it!), focus on pressure rather than pain, and waves of breath and energy/contractions during labor. It’s what animals do; it’s peaceful; it’s how you “birth like a freaking horse.” Hypnobirthing also pulls in an education piece about anxiety and fear, and the physical/organic effect they have on our bodies and minds: constricting our muscles to fight the pain that you anticipate, which then constricts breath (AIR) and blood flow. Picture yourself blindly walking across the street and a semi, barreling down the road, slams on its breaks and blares its horn at you. Or try to recall the last scary movie you watched, or the last time someone punched you in the arm/gut/crotch, etc. etc. Feel the tension in your body that comes with that anticipation? It’s fight or flight. That’s what happens when we give birth: we anticipate getting kicked in the vagina by a bowling ball because that horror is what our moms, sisters, friends, aunts, cousins, television, and grocery store checkers, have shared with us about what birth is like. But there’s no running away from a birth day, it’s one of life’s inevitabilities, the baby WILL come out. So then the trick becomes figuring out how to not fight it and just let it happen.
When in labor with my first, I remember having an out of body experience, just watching myself convulse uncontrollably from above, completely out of control, completely terrified of what was coming next because I didn’t know what that was and I didn’t trust myself. Yes, our bodies experience legitimate pain during birth, yet it is our minds that capitalize on and accentuate the fear of pain, and the fear of losing control of our bodies. Letting it go is a mind shift. Accepting that this baby and your body know what they’re doing and have for hundreds of thousands of years. It is allowing yourself to trust yourself at a time when that trust isn’t coming instinctively (hear all of the “I can’ts”).
Talking about all of this is SO easy. The right words flow through my fingers like they should as a mental health therapist: “kumbay-ya - deep breaths, notice your thoughts and let them float away…” Yeah, I know, insert eye roll, but truly, the “letting go” is possible with practice and intention.
It’s not that I didn’t feel pain while birthing my child “like a horse.” ;) I was screaming and I’m pretty sure cussing at some point. I will never be able to say that I am the most mindfully aware person on the block, let alone in the room, but I think that’s reason enough to give it a look-see: if I can do it, so can anyone. For soon-to-be moms interested in a natural labor and birth experience, and soon-to-be moms interested in a hospital assisted birth, and soon-to-be moms not wanting to think about labor at all…I’d highly recommend looking into some of the breathing and mindfulness tutorials on the web, or even checking out a local class if one is offered. There are so many ways to approach this new journey with your baby, I hope if nothing else, this can open some eyes to the possibilities, and opportunities to find alternative forms of guidance, self-help, and empowerment. Because you are building a freaking human being and that’s some POWER!